Darkmoon Vale

DarkMoon Vale: Session 25

Excerpt from Pint Bloodhorns' journal:

Sodding wet. Back again in this blasted cathedral and this time we’re going deeper into the catacombs underneath. Not too surprising that its got bloody tunnels running every which way considering it was a dwarven temple of worship, but come on, the closest dwarven settlement is hundreds of miles away — I should know coming from there — what could they possibly need these extensive tunnels for? Bloody fanatics. Anyway, deep tunnels are really the least of me problems right now. We ran into some well infested with eyes and some other beasties that like to yank blokes by the ankles and try to drown them. Ya know, like blasted cowards, instead of fighting toe to toe like real dwarves. One of them pulled me down deep and I spent the better part of a minute struggling with the fiend underwater. I could hear me comrades struggling in the surface with some other beasts of their own. Every time I managed to break free, another would just pull me down into the water before I could do anything. Eventually, I just decided to disengage and get to higher ground. Tactics is what keeps a fighter alive when the foe refuses to fight fair. Those bloody darkmantles from months ago come to mind. When I finally manged to get to shore and pepper the things with me sling I got to see a good look at the situation. Mira had chopped one of the creatures in half as she often does with things and I could see clearly they were some kind of nasty, tentacle infested, diseased ghoul with their lips stitched together to make them look real pretty. These weren’t normal undead from folk that drowned here. These were guardians that someone deliberately put here I think. Things were looking pretty grim though, Godric was pulled underwater too and I could see he was trying to heal himself just to stay alive. Mira was in the thick of it as was Bertha and Otho’s adopted brother, Osric or something, he had followed my example and got to dry land. Only Bay-Wynn was left behind and up the chasm where we climbed/jumped down to shoot arrows at the creatures. Standard elven tactics I reckon, at least someone is learning some kind of strategy around here. Just then some crazed human in armor jumped in out of nowhere to try and help us and ended up belly flopping straight into the water. I just want to know how do I keep running into these terribly bad adventurers. I mean, it doesn’t look like Otho’s brother even knows how to swim, though that’s not too surprising seeing that he’s an elf. Mira’s wolf turned badger joined in and started doing some work on the water zombies. She got grabbed but that only caused for it and Mira to go berserk and start shredding the blighters apart. The belly flop bloke finally snapped out of it and joined the fight, at least it looks like he knows how to swim. He has a trident too, always been a big fan of the weapons. Why, me old man Quart Bloodhorns is an expert sasumata user which is much like a trident.

Journal goes on several pages about the history and usage of polearm weapons among dwarven kind

.. and that’s why the Urgrosh is sodding amazing. Did I mention to write I got a masterwork Urgrosh now? I probably did but it bears writing it many more times. I’ve decided to give it a name, because all great weapons have names. I will call my Urgrosh; Snicker-Snack. I came up with that one all on my own! And Bay-Wynn says I can’t write. Hah. At any rate, we killed the bloody things after an arduous fight and I must say that was quite the harrowing encounter. Did I really just write that? I really have been spending way too much time with Bay-Wynn. Speaking of which, right after we finished the creatures off, Bay-Wynn tried to swing from the rope down and ended up falling in the water anyway. What a daft bimbo. We talked to the guy that came to help us, says his name is Casimir and that he was sent here by that wench of a priestess to drag Godric out of here so he can move on with his quest. Casimir took a good look at the banged up form of Godric and declared that he is in no condition to travel and I have to agree, besides, I’d prefer if Godric can stick around with us at least until we are done exploring these catacombs. I can always use more bodies in the field. I initially thought that this Casimir guy was maybe sent by the lumberjack company to try and weasel us out of more money but Bay-Wynn says he’s straight. Guess I’ll trust her on this — because clearly that has never come back to bite me in the arse. With that out of the way, we’ve sat here for a spell to dry and get all the water out of me beard. -- Moving through the catacombs we encounter a large suspicious looking chamber. Bay-Wynn and Bertha move first to scout ahead and right behind them some bladed pendulums drop from the ceiling. We were standing a ways off so they miss us completely but now we have the group split in two. As we’re trying to figure out what to do, Bertha says she spots some fairies further down the corridor. Bloody fairies, I’ll kill the lot of them I will! Except she said she wasn’t sure they were fairies because they look more like zombies, which honestly doesn’t matter to me any since I was gonna kill whatever they were anyways. Casimir the Cleric casts a big wall of wind to keep those zombie fairies away from us while we negotiate this bladed pendulum situation we got in front of us. Right off, the elf Osric shows he has some moves and dives right between them avoiding them all. Now if only he could just that kind of dexterity when he was nearly drowning back with the water zombies. His raven didn’t seem to be so lucky as it flew in to follow his master and got sliced nearly in half for his trouble. I muscle my way in after them because, well, sod this waiting around I need to kill stuff. One of them hits me across the shoulder but I just ignore it and pelt the zombie things first with my sling braining one of them. In the meantime, Godric, Mira and Casimir begin slashing the pendulums apart and Bay-Wynn, who’s currently upside down in the ceiling using her magical spider walk slippers, shoots one of the zombies in the head with an arrow. Bertha who is the closest does the sensible thing and charges the lot of them head first. She smashes one good but the rest start piling on her right afterwards. Not to be left out though, our elf gets rushed by one of the zombies too and gets caught way out of position. Otho’s family just seems to have no bloody understanding of what battle maneuvering even is. Could use a couple lessons in military tactics, provided they stay alive long enough to learn. Fortunately, everyone’s favorite paladin Godric is on the case and rushes to the elf’s side, hacking the zombie apart with his sword. Problem is the bloated zombie then had the indecency of exploding all over Godric’s face covering him in innards and stomach refuse. This of course then caused Godric to dry heave real bad and lose his lunch all over the ground. It was great. That looked like fun, so naturally I charge in after one that is attacking Bertha and impale it with the spear end of Snicker-Snack. The zombie then pops like a balloon on me too but I have the fortune of reveling on this stuff because I FREAKIN’ LOVE FIGHTING. Besides, I’ve drank ale that is way more poisonous than this and tastes just as bad. Once the bladed pendulums are taken care off, Mira charges into the fray and slices the zombies apart, Bertha hammers in the rest of them, and Bay-Wynn nails the last one on the head. Casimir totally went and stole my kill with a lightning bolt though. Talk about rude!! I’m gonna need to have a serious talk with him about party dynamics. After making sure that the elf’s bird didn’t die on us, we marched on and entered a dark room where we ran into some wanker holding a dwarven’s head inside a cage. Feeling aggravated by such a brazen display, I walked up to the skinny basterd and asked him if he was trying to pick a fight with us. Bloke said nothing, he only smiled with stitched together lips like those underwater zombies and lunged at us, so I am going to assume that was a yes. I lock in with the pale sod whilst Mira and Bertha flank him from both sides and start wailing on him with both axe and hammer. Casimir thrusts his trident at him and skewer him nice and bloody, which I approve of. Our elf wizard way back behind us then charges a lighting bolt and blasts at it, but not without singeing both Casimir and I since we were up close and personal with the bloke. Ey, it’s standard ‘tank and spank’ strategy, I won’t begrudge the elf none. Note to self: Punch that elf’s jaw off. This blighter is somehow penetrating my armor despite all my defenses and Mira starts shouting at me to back off, whilst Bertha starts taunting me to stick to it and prove that I am a man contrary to popular belief. I instantly start having flashbacks of me telling Tank to back out, only for him to stubbornly refuse and pay the price of his bravery. Ultimately, I decide to go full defense and try to parry the fiend’s blows. That way I minimize the probabilities of me getting killed while still staying in the fight. Mira begrudged me for it saying that it was a stupid move. She wouldn’t understand though, she’s not a man. Great fighter though. Eventually we just hammer that guy’s skull in whilst he was busy wasting his time trying kill me. Blasted thing banged me up pretty good though and I feel a wee bit woozy after that brawl. Hope I’m not coming down with something. In Strength, Pint Bloodhorns -— How come I can never get any good enchantments?

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